So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
