I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
