I swear she didn't look like that last week.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Randomize
