dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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