He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
PANTIES FOUND
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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