Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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