he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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