I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
