you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
