DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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