I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
