I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Sober January is a disaster.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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