Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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