OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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