How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
