I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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