I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
