Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
