This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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