I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
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