Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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