I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
