Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize