is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize