I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
