Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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