Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
