should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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