got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
