No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
