i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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