I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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