Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
