"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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