She went from zero to smokin in five shots
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
