So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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