Joe is yelling at the trees again.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
