well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
