I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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