life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
