Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
