By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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