is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
