he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
