I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
