Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
There r osticjed everywhere
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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