tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
