I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
