So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
