Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
