If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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