Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Randomize
