She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
