You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
She bit a glass in half.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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