dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
