I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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