the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
