my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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