Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
