I cockslap morals
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Randomize
