Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I wish there were birth control emojis
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
If its not for food we ain't going out.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
