see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Enjoy the penises
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
We smell like vodka and hangover
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
