Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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