I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
