Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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