I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Of course I have a pirate flag
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
