Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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